How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?

My husband and I have been married for only 9 months and earlier on in our marriage he made some foolish mistakes which in turn made me feel like I cannot trust him. He lied to me about going to see a female who claimed she got pregnant by him (the jury is still out on whether or not it's his) when he went down there. And in the early months of our marriage, he continued conversations with a certain female online who lived in the same city as we do (who consequently he met on the plane ride back from his weekend with the other girl who says she was pregnant). They talked about seeing each other and he went so far as to refer to me as his girlfriend and was saying that he didn't think things would work out between us. I looked at then times the emails were sent and it was while I was asleep in our bed pregnant with our child; at 4 something in the morning, he thought of this chick to email her. After that was handled, there was another situation when we were in the bedroom and his cell phone rang. He looked at it for a while and said he didn't know who it was I asked him if it was a blocked number and he said yes. Later that night I looked in his call log and saw that the call was actually from some female that was saved in his phone book. He claimed they were friends, but because he lied to me and couldn't answer the phone and talk to her with me sitting there, I figured there was more to it. I later found out that they dated in the past. I told him that I didn't want him talking to her anymore which he didn't respect my wishes at first. He continued talking to her and she continued to say inappropriate things about how she misses him so much and she wonders what her life would be like if they had never split up. I saw these messages and told him to end it now, which he did (but the hard headed girl still tries to contact him). And recently, he reconnected with another girl who was only a cut buddy (booty call). I saw no reason fo him to be talking to her now that he's married and why try to be friends NOW? I tried to go in his email and see just what it was that they had to talk about but he had already deleted them and for some reason he couldn't recover them (he was able to recover my email from moths ago but mysteriously he couldn't recover his). My trust for him is at rock bottom when it comes to him and females. I check his phone and emails regularly which he gets mad at me for but given what has happened I feel is justified because I know he's not going to just come out and tell me if he's talking to anyone else. And in all but one of those cases the females found out he was married when I told them. He hasn't done anything physically with them, but I feel that what he has done was just as bad. So, I would just like to know how long will it take for me to trust him again. And this is just another question to put out there for married men and women: are you okay with your spouse contacting their ex while you are married? I say while you're married as in they didn't talk to them as friends before you got married but they talk to them now that you're married. Please help, I love my husband dearly and I want our marriage to work. Despite what this may make him look like he is a good man. These things happened early in our marriage and he has admitted to his wrongdoing and moved past it.How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?
I'm sorry but this guy has lied about some huge issues and he's done it so frequently I think he's shown his true colors. Personally I wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him.How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?
Wow is that a long question. didn't really have time to read any of it, but I wish you luck and hope you find this to be the best answer.





Thanks
yea there will never be trust again.
TRUST is the only thing in our lives which once it is lost can NEVER be recovered . All that you can do is forgive him and go forward trust will never return ...you will have to live with his ability to lie to you and find a way to live with it knowing he can still do it again . If your love is unconditional enough you should make out just fine . . . best wishes
Ok, so all this has happened within the 9 months you two have been married? do I have this right? Trying to keep this all straight, his booty call is mysteriously trying to get back with him - he took a plane to meet and screw a chick, picked up a girl on the way back home to you - and emails chicks when you are sleeping? Yeah, if I were in your shoes, I would go straight to get an annulment. If you REALLY wanna make it work, I would say hey - let's get counseling. If he is not willing to do that at least - then he really doesn't want it to work. Even if he does do the counseling, he has to keep up with it and really try to make it work too.





Honestly, I don't see why some people find it so hard to be faithful. Either you are with someone or you aren't. Either you want to be there and be with them or you don't. I know that one of my old cell phone carriers would offer detailed billing (at a charge, of course) but you could see every phone call in, and every phone call out. There is also a program for the phone called Loopt (I'm not sure if it's on all carriers, but I know they have it for sprint for sure) in which the GPS locator on the phone can pinpoint your location, can be seen from other cell phones on your 'friend's list' or what not. I think that runs in the background of the phone, I've never used it - but I think they might know it's running. Still, if he agrees to let it run - you can at least tell where h=his PHONE is (to see if he is home, then again - you wouldn't know who is there with him?)





IMHO though, I think you deserve better than that. If he is willing to make it work, I'd make him change his phone number, get detailed billing sent straight to you, get one of the programs that track calls/texts, and make him walk the line. If he is not willing to walk it (he knows he messed up and if he can't talk honestly about this with you like an adult, is there more he is hiding? such talks should and can be TALKED about in a non-argumentative form if both parties are acting like adults.) then tell him to see you in court for the divorce and let him know your lawyer will contact him about his visitation rights.





There is no time limit on when you should be able to trust him again. When was the last incident, how long ago? I know that trust is something people should not give out so readily, but should be earned. Once that trust is tainted, it takes a long time to recover it. Don't trust him before YOU are ready, and honestly feel like you can trust him. You may never feel that way again - but that is NOT your fault. YOU did not do it. There are good reasons to NOT trust someone after they cheat too - you never know when the next time they will cheat will be, or what disease they will bring home to you. Simply sleeping with them (whether or not they use protection) you could be not just sleeping with them, but any other AIDS or Herpes infected person they cheated on you with. Such diseases take time to show up, but can be passed on without knowing.





And no - I have never had any STD or disease, thank God, however it could have happened and would have only taken ONE time.
you married a dog, sorry but players never really change, how can they, they have conditioned themselves to be that way, its reaches a point where there is no going back, that is just what he is at his core, a liar and a cheat
block of text makes my eyes hurt. Paragraphs, woman! Indentation! What did they teach you in elementary school!?





Oh, right, man problem. Ok, here's the deal; you can't control what your husband thinks. You can try, but society has words for women like that. And you trying to control who he socializes with makes you the bad guy. Exes pose a problem, but when you raise a fuss, you show there's a serious trust problem. There obviously is a trust problem here (duh).





You want to make your marriage work? Your sure that your husband turned over a new leaf? And you don't trust him as far as you can throw him? Especially with women? Oh my. You may never.
I'm sorry , but I think the fact you had to ask us says it all.


I don't think you can or will ever really trust him.
9 months and this is already happening? You will never fully trust him again. If he cannot respect you enough to cease this deception when you ask, then he never will stop. You're allowing this to happen.





If my fiance pulled this ... I'd be single.
';early in your marriage';?





You've only been married 9 MONTHS!
forgive him now and move on. bad things happen to all of us. deal with it your married now.


his problems are your show him you love is unconditional.
Wow! Thats terrible. This is supposed to be the best time in your marriage. What was he like before you got married?


If it were me personally, I would cut my losses and get out. It sounds like he has nothing to offer you but a lifetime of hurt and pain
He's dug his grave as far as you trusting him. If he's not telling these females that he's married, then he's encouraging them. Sorry, but I'd leave that situation.
You still are early in your marriage. You're newlyweds. Newlyweds shouldn't have this many issues so early on. Sorry, but I think you married a dog. You'll never be able to trust him b/c every time you come close, he pulls something else. It doesn't matter if anything physical happened or not--he still cheated on you emotionally and YES that is just as bad. He obviously has no respect for his wife and child. This will only get worse as your marriage goes on. You don't need the stress, disrespect, or humiliation. Divorce him and find someone who truly loves and respects you and your baby. You'd be surprised at how many real men are willing to step up to the plate. Go find one.
wow... a complicated situation.. and for you to trust him again.. might take some time....





answer mine please ?





http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
When you feel like you can might not ever happen
My marriage was plagued with past problems, on both of our parts, amd no matter how hard we try it is human nature to always have doubt. I had a friend that passed along some great advice and it may sound weird but once I investigated I was able to deal with staying married to my best friend and ease my mind. The advice came from another married woman so look into to it before discounting it. It goes like this:


SWEET MILDRED IS QUEEN OF THE PLAYPEN ...CRAWL INTO HER SECRET SOCIETY WITH ME
U WILL NEVER REALLY TRUST HIM
I don't think you can ever trust your husband again. Think about it. How many times before have you trusted him and he let you down. I don't think he is through going behind your back and seeing other women. Do you actually believe that he is going to stop just like that. He seems to have some kind of an addiction to other women, and he needs serious help. I hope that you and your husband can repair things, but if it were me, I would have to call it quits. You teach other people how to treat you , and it is obvious that he does these things because he knows that you love him and that you will always forgive him.
WOW!!!!! i'm soooooo sorry!!! looks like u had it baaaaaaaad!!! well if u really want my opinion don't trust him till he can prove he won't do it anymore, he doesn't seem very faithful, so it might be best if u guys got a divorce :\ but if he is really improving himself, it might be best to give him another chance
wow. sound EXACTLY like the first of my marriage. it is really hard to trust them again. i have been married for almost 4 years now... and it took two years for me just to let it go...and not think about it everyday. i still check his email periodically and look at his phone. im not angry with him anymore, and my trust is coming back slowly....you just have to give it TONS of time and effort. but if you love him...i would stick around and try to fix it.
wow, your husband might be a good guy, but he isn't the best at relationships. i CAN NOT believe that he told some random girl that he met on a plane that you were just his girlfriend and that it wasn't gonna work out between you two! i'm not married, but even i can see that that is a NO NO. you guys have to communicate and work things out because he needs to know that you are his wife now- those other girls are what he gave up in order to live his life with the love of his life! See how he act now, you shouldn't really set a time limit on how long it takes for you to trust him but wait for like half a year and see his behavior. Trust is something is slowly built up, and if it lost, the starting point of that trust is much lower. Just try to build it up again while keeping an eye on him and communicating. Remember, while someone may be a good guy, he might not be the best husband or communicator!
Your marriage is done!!! he has done some things that I don't think you will ever get over.
It doesn't look to me like you can trust him. If you need to spy on your husband and invade his privacy, it's not a sign of a healthy relationship. Just get divorce. If it doesn't work, why force it?
Trust is a special gift given between two people, married couples, dating couples, friends, family members.


It is a gift freely given and it is a special gift.


Your Husband threw that gift that you gave him away. When he started being friendly with the ladies. Maybe he has cut off contact with these women and maybe he hasn't. But he lost your trust and once trust is lost it is a VERY difficult thing to get back. He hurt you he cause wounds in you. You need time to heal.


You have every right to check up on him. I think you can let him know. That if he has nothing to hide then it shouldn't matter.


I also think you both should go to counceling you are newly married and now you don't have something that every mariage needs and that is TRUST. In order for your marriage to survive you need that. Go get help. I believe you both can make it through this.


But he took something from you, he destroyed your trust and now he needs to work to get it back.





Good Luck Hun
Rebuilding trust that has been shaken takes a lot of hard work and time. It requires couple and individual counseling. The amount of time and work required really depends on the people involved and the situation. If your husband is really committed to making this work, and so are you, this can be overcome. I would only be okay with my spouse contacting an ex if it had something to do with loose ends with their divorce (for instance, a car title or a mortgage loan). Get yourself and your husband into therapy right away and start the healing process. Hugs.
My opinion is that your husband is not a trust worthy person, it would not surprise me if he has had intercourse while you were married. Just because he says he didn't doesn't me he didn't. I don't think you will trust him for some time. Even in relationship before marriage it is wrong for your partner to hang out with ex-girlfriends and talk to them.





Your husband sounds like a player with all his girlfriends, you should tell him if he doesn't want to clean his act up, then you need to spend time away from him. Then maybe he will stop playing around. His actions put you at risk.
It takes aslong as it takes, maybe forever.








I don't see any reason for you to trust him again- because i don't see that he is doing anything to earn your trust, since he has broken it repeatedly.





Honestly, if you hope to maintain your marriage, i think the 2 of you should be going to a marriage counselor this week!
Can you spell DIVORCE? Thats just his nature. It will never change. He'll stop when you bust him. When you trust him again he will play. All along he knows you won't stand up for yourself because you always give in. What would your mother say? your sister say? your best friend?
I agree with JCA......once you've been lied to that many times trust is impossible....you said yourself you cant stop checking his phone, email etc.....even if you did stop checking up on him you're still going to be wondering.......sorry!

triumph

curly hair

Husbands wife's do you ever feel.......?

disconnected with your spouse? I am feeling very disconnected we have been under a lot of stress lately %26amp; fighting a lot. I still love him but is it normal to go through periods in your relationship were you feel disconnected.Have you ever been through this? how can I reconnect with my husband?Husbands %26amp; wife's do you ever feel.......?
Sometimes it happens. Life happens. You're so into what your doing, like work and such...you become exhausted in body and mind. I believe your heart shall never become tired though, it keeps on going even when the world is falling around you.





Pick a day when neither of you are busy, make plans to do something special. Whether it be dinner and a movie. Or even making dinner at home and renting one. I've found that even something as simple as going for a walk can rekindle things.





My husband and I are real talkers, so whenever something is bothering one of us, the other is there to listen. My husband has said time and time again: ';I don't know what I would do if you weren't around for me to vent to';. Even though this sometimes drives me nuts, it still makes me smile knowing that I'm the first person my husband always turns to...Husbands %26amp; wife's do you ever feel.......?
re: is it normal to go through periods in your relationship were you feel disconnected.





.......I don't think it's normal....customary - but not 'normal'.





It's normal to know and use good relationship skills so you both ban together and become closer when there is pressure or stress.


It is normal to search out solutions in a relationship when things go wrong.


It is normal to make the effort to find and learn those good relationship skills, methods, techniques, styles, etc. that make a good relationship.


It is normal to keep the love and connections that you started with in a relationship.





It is ABNORMAL to disconnect, fight, lose respect %26amp; love, ignore your wedding vows, allow the relationship to die, and even worse, to damage your children with ABNORMAL behavior and bad relationship skills.





re: how can I reconnect with my husband?


......It would take way to many pages to tell you here. It's better for you to make the effort to learn how by studying relationship skills in book stores, the web, youtube, libraries, magazines, etc. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO!
I think it is pretty normal.


Every marriage goes through tough times. My husband is in the military we go through periods where we don't see one another for a year at a time..talk about disconnected.


You have to have good communication, try doing something together like a bowling league or dancing lessons, something you both enjoy doing. The closeness will come back in time.
It happens, and certain situations definitely don't help. Me and my wife are seperated by half a world, literally. She's in Iraq and it's stressing our relationship. You have to figure out what it is that's causing you to feel this way, once you know that you can work on getting it back on track.





Fights are easily avoided if you can truly learn from past fights. You can learn very easily what you do that contributes, and work on that. I say to focus on what you do because that's the only part of the fight you can control, your part of it. Regardless of who started it, you can do something about it. Not to say ignore what he does to make it worse, make sure he knows what he can do for you too.





Find something new to do together, or start doing something you used to like to do together again. If he has a hobby that he wouldn't mind you getting in on, join him, and bring him on yours. Just do something together that you both enjoy, and it'll come. Good luck
give it time. Marriages that last go through this.





Here's a thought';





Lay aside EVERYTHING and swear to yourself that you will not allow yourself to be anything but generous and forgiving for one eveing. Wear something pretty, make dinner, (contract babysitter) and give him a backrub. Even if he says something stupid... let it go.





It will show him that your love is deeper than what you're going through at the time. No matter what happens, do not bring up anything stupid he might have said or any hurt feelings from that day ever. Just let it be love, the best love you can give.





He'll respond. It might be slow, but he will.





You will make it through this.

Could this kinda of situation work out ?? or is it doomed??

Soo your in a marriage that is very very unhappy and your spouse has cheated (twice) and you tried to work it out but are just very unhappy ....you reconnect with an ex who has been a very good friend since the breakup (breakup was a mutual thing since we were young) well you two talk all of the time because your husband neglects you and wont spend any time with you....Well you dont resort to cheating because you know how it feels and you dont even meet up with the person, you just talk to eachother on the phone...and even talk about a possible relationship someday...if things dont work out with the bad marriage...Would it be bad if you finally decided to divorce and maybe slowly ease into a relationship...or is this a bad situation?????Could this kinda of situation work out ?? or is it doomed??
I don't see any reason why it wouldn't work. You have done all you can to work things out with hubby, and that does sound like a lost cause. Get the divorce and move on. If things work with new guy great, if he is just your first step to healing that is OK, too. But like you said, take things slow with new guy, whether it's this one you mentioned or another. You need time to heal first.Could this kinda of situation work out ?? or is it doomed??
Get outta there. Sounds like you would be better off without him. You have to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy.








Peace.
Divorce is the best thing you could do if the marriage don't work. Let yourself heal first before going into another relationship. Remember, you've been to a relationship where you had been neglected and rejected, it made you vulnerable that you might mistakenly take friendship into love. Just take your time and don't rush things. Prayer will help!
If you leave.... don't go back to an EX!!! There are so many fish in the sea. And there's a reason why he's an EX....... think it through.
Get the divorce regardless.....I'd keep talking to the ';friend'; but don't count your chicken before they hatch. I don't think that it is a doomed situation....Life has a funny way of working out....trust me.
Do one thing at a time.





You should completely cut off your ';friend'; until you and your husband have made things final.





You should tell your ';friend'; why you're breaking things off with him





Then after all the dusts settle if you and your ';friend'; are still interested in having a relationship....then go ahead.
Get out of the failed marriage. Take some time for you. Then see if the ex is still interested.
how can anyone really know that answer..you only live once. I think if it does not work out with your husband and the other guy is still there if you were to get a divorce, then yes try it out. You just can never tell whats going to happen. good luck
First thing to look at is how are you living now? who's paying the bills? I say if you can't make it on your own, dont' leave. If you leave to be with this other guy and he changes his mind or a fight breaks out.....what then? Can your survive or will you be back begging the cheating husband to take you back. I have seen this happen more then once. Move out on your own, pay your own bills for a yr with no credit card, If you can make it then it's time to find a man. Good Luck
first get a divorce for the right reasons, that your unhappy and he cheats, don't get the divorce just on the reason theres someone else in your life. because that someone else may not work out. seek divorce first, than relationship.
You need to decide if your marriage will work or not as an entirely seperate deal without considering the other guy and should break off contact with him.. If you decide to divorce your husband (rather than try to work it out with counseling or such).. then you need to divorce him and learn to stand on your own two feet without having a backup guy... you want to know down the road (in case things don't work with the backup guy) that you left your marriage because that is what you wanted and not that you traded your husband in for another guy. If later, after divorcing and learning to stand on your own two feet, you still want backup guy, then give him a call.. if it's meant to be, it will happen, and if not.. well, at least you made your choices on your own.
Actually that is a good idea. I would advise for you to divorce now, it seems like your really unhappy, and you only live once, don't let your life pass you by.
You only live once so do what feels right, but talk to your husband and let him know you are seriously considering leaving him. He might straighten up !
nope. i would divorce. and then i would take it slow before jumping into any other relationship. what you have with this other guy make work or it may not. but dont make him the reason you leave your husband. leave for YOURSELF. only when you are happy with who you are and where you are will you be able to give the new relationship what it needs to last.
I see an oiled up pistol in your future! Don't cheat, just leave. That tit for tat crap always ends in gunplay!





You are setting yourself up for an emotional affair (if you aren't already in one). It's just as painful as a physical one.
Sure it could work. Anything is possible.





I believe after a divorce you will need time to be by yourself, find out who you are, and heal those emotional scars.





You need to learn how to be honest with yourself. For example, you say you don't resort to cheating but you admit to us that you are reconnecting with an ex.





That alone is cheating.





Come on now. Be honest with yourself about yourself and your intentions.





Good luck.
Simple, take things in a step by step process. Dont rush into anything, and keep checking your decisions as you go through your healing process.

Does she REALLY love me? (For married women only)?

Due to an infidelity from my part, my wife decided to break her relationship with my family. It's been 5 years since I disclosed the affair and TOTALLY ended that mistake; but after enduring numerous well deserved tongue lashings and cold treatments, she stills refuses to re-establish contact with my family and she does not want to go to counseling so we can work on our marriage.





Even though she says she has forgiven me and no longer treats me with contempt, she refuses to budge on the area of counseling or to reconnect with my family.





When you see your spouse broken and asking you to please do something as simple as going to a Thanksgiving dinner or Family Christmas gathering. Or better yet, to embrace harmony in the family and she still refuses, Does she really love me? Did I kill her love for me?





How can I let her know that the longer she keeps this up the less and less I feel connected with her? Not just because she won't talk to my family, but because she refuses to see that there is a problem in our marriage and won't do anything about it.





Any words of wisdom?Does she REALLY love me? (For married women only)?
Before sharing my words of wisdom, I have a question. What is her reason for deciding to remove herself from your family? The two things don't seem connected.... so is there something more here?





OK. Words of wisdom. Yes, tell her that her choices are distancing you from her. Tell her your feelings about that. Also tell her that, from your perspective, your marriage is not going to survive unless the two of you get marital counseling. If she still refuses, you have a choice to make: either put up with what she is doing, knowing that nothing is going to get any better, or make a decision to file for divorce. Whatever happens, I wish you well.Does she REALLY love me? (For married women only)?
Your family's rude comments that she deserved it, because of how she was with you, really sum's it up, don't you think? If this is how they view her when you are the one who was in the wrong, please tell me how you ever expect her to stand in a room with these people, let alone talk to them. You sound like an educated man, you cannot tell me you really expect her, to subject herself to people like this, do you?
Why did she break contact with your family? Were they aware of the infidelity and didn't tell her? Did they have anything to do with your infidelity? If so, then she will probably continue to have trust issues with them. She might still love you, but you will have to work on earning her trust in you again everyday for the rest of your life.
Maybe she is embarrassed and she doesnt want your family to think she is a bimbo or something for not divorcing your cheating @$$???





Dude you deserve it, your asking if she loves YOU....she didnt cheat YOU cheated...that shows how much you love her, she isnt the problem YOU are!





Stop blaming your problems and your mistakes on her, who in your marriage has been the FAITHFULL one!
She may love you. But she's unable to forgive/trust you. Infidelity is basically an unbelievable pain that leaves deep scars.


As for your family, they're a part of you, and evidently back you up, which leaves her on the 'outside'.
to a certain degree, she deserves it because of the way she has been with you-


Those words are why your wife does not want contact with your family. Wake up- How hurt do you think that made her feel ? They were blaming her for your infidelity.I dont blame her one bit
well WHY is she not talking to your family!
As a married women, and alot of experience with inlaws, I have to say


that your wife has every reason to feel the way she does about your family. It sounds like your family doesn't think she's good for you or being very supportive or her either.





You were the one that cheated, not your wife. Your lucky she forgave you to begin with. I wouldn't of. When family gets involved, it just makes matters so much worse. Some things should be kept more private between a married couple. I think she loves you, since she has forgiven you, but I wouldn't expect her to form any bonds with your family members any time soon or ever.
There's some really good comments here already. I agree, things need to be private in a marriage. Some things just don't get shared with family. Family will always take your side and can alienate your spouse. It sounds to me like this embarrassed her, and now she feels ganged up on.


Honesty, and trust me, it's miserable for her too. My husband (in the early years) ran to his mom every time we fought. As a result all this woman knew about me was what he told her during an argument. Our relationship became very strained and was almost nonexistent for a long time. It also strained my marriage as well, and I couldn't stand for them to visit and for me to be the bad guy all the time. What helped me? I had it out with my husband. That helped. And if I get the feeling that my in-laws are 'ganging' up on me, well, I tell them right out.





Yes, she loves you. She's had her trust broken with you, and humiliated by her in-laws, but it sounds as though she loves you, but cannot handle your family.


So, what's more important to you, them or her. I would get everyone in the room and stick up for her to them, right in front of her. Things like ';You have no right to say that about my wife'; Show her you are on her side and that the two of you are one.
She may ask herself that question. Part of her does want the marriage to go on. Forgiven, but not forgotten. Some stay because it makes good financial sense or just for the children. The fact that she has forgiven you says alot. As for your family, you may have to forgive her and turn it over to God. I heard when I was getting married the following: ';Don't tell your family about your fights.'; (when I asked why not I was told:) ';because you'll forgive him but they never will.'; Whatever you end up with, it will be with a new type of love mixed in. Good luck.
Well I think it's horrible that you had an affair. HOWEVER... I also think it's great you ended it and admitted that you did something wrong, but that is besides the point.





I think part of her might not want to reconnect with your family because she feels humiliated by the situation. Maybe she is embarrassed to show face to your parents, siblings, etc. If she is not willing to go to counseling and has lashed out at you, I don't think she's really truly forgiven you. I think she is saying it out loud, but she hasn't really forgiven you from her heart. Maybe that hurt is still in her and it's hard for her to let go.





It's pretty clear that you feel bad, let her know that you would never do anything like that again to hurt her, and if you really want to rebuild that trust again, make her realize that counseling is the best way to do that.





Good luck to you both.
yo im telling some woman will get back at you because situations (infidelity) like this. my friend told me about his the cheated on his wife, she forgave him too and basically pretend that everything was keen. asking for money her and their and she was saving the his money to buy her an apartment. she was cheating on him and everything and she broke his heart for breaking hers. most women are like this, pay back is a ........








i dont know about the whole family thing, but maybe she is plotting to leave you and is wondering whether or not to stay in contact with your family( it is just a thought man, dont take it seriously... try asking her though).





this can go anyway... i seriously suggest you pray that you guys can make it better again. adultery is a serious thing man. thousands of years ago men and women were killed for that, its really serious.
maybe the thought of her husband sleeping with some other woman plays back in her mind constantly and if your family knew anything about it and didnt tell her that stinks. forgive and forget is what the saying is but she will never forget and the trust is out the door even if you were to try to work it out which is what i did. she will every now and then or constantly bring it up in arguments that you broke your promise to be with her only dude you messed up I think she really did love you and thats why its hurts so bad to find out there has been infidelity good luck some scars just dont heal
If your family knew of this affair and did nothing then they have also betrayed her trust and its up to them to make admends with her not the other way around...you should be grateful she has forgiven you but forgive does not mean forget talk with her and tell her how you feel... but if you demand that she changes the way she feels then you are again betraying her its completely her choice at this point and you have to admitt that you are the original cause of this issue

How do you build communication in your marriage?

I want to know who people reconnect with their spouse. How do you work on your communication when the other person doesn't want to?How do you build communication in your marriage?
Well, I think there is one of two ways:


1.) Put it on the line - i.e. a do or die situation. I think this establishes a line that could eventually develop into a wall.


2.) You SERVE. A lot of people will probably reject this notion, but I know for me that when I began rejecting my needs and desires as priorities and made my wife's needs and desires a priority, it seemed to cause a change. In other words, it seemed like she began to love me again, began to want to know how I felt again...and this happened in the very real situation where she was considering an affair.





What I'm trying to say, is ';set the example.'; Get what you want with a concerted effort being placed on giving him what he wants. But trust me, it's more difficult than I've admitted here.





Just my opinion, good luck!How do you build communication in your marriage?
When one partner doesn't want to work on something, the only way you can move forward is to try to convince that person how serious of an issue your lack of communication really is.





You can try requesting a time to talk with them and then talking in a straightforward, factual manner with no emotions. If they insist there is no problem or that they aren't interested in ';working'; on anything, you're probably not going to have any progress, I'm sorry to say.
I think finding out why your spouse doesn't want to work on your communication would be important. Of course, it may also be difficult to ascertain if he doesn't wish to communicate.





You can always work on your end. Make sure you are being clear, concise, kind and saying exactly what you mean when you talk to your husband. When he talks to you, if you feel like you aren't getting the information you need from him, ask, but ask very pointed questions so you can obtain your information quickly and without upsetting him.





Good luck!
Well that's a major problem if both aren't willing to bridge the gap. Get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to reconnect. Serious talks without getting defensive or aggressive can be very beneficial, but if you see the talk turning ugly, walk away. But keep trying to get through, just make sure it's an honest desire to connect and not an attack on him personally.
A problem with communication in marriages, is men and women communicate differently. For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For guys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the guys they do things with
I'm with 8 ball. Couples have to reevaluate things occasionally. You wouldn't invest money in something and then never look at it again for 50 years, right? You can't do that with a marriage either. I would sit down and have a non-confrontational talk. It might be scary at first, because nobody wants to think that anything is wrong. But it will feel a lot better afterwards, just to air whatever issues or concerns you both have.
May be your busy daily routine break everything in your communication. Set aside some little free time together everyday, after dinner or before bed. Should be the relax time and should not talk about anything serious at this moment.





More good tips to save your marriage from infidelity at http://marriageinfidelityhelp.com
Chinese finger-cuff lesson.


Easy up and take a step back on your priories and work on yourself to engage him first.


(Sex, play, attraction, food, praise.)





There is a sort of natural progress people can make on such things and forcing yourself or another to change faster than that causes pain (which greatly increases resistance).
When we go to bed at night we lay awake for hours talking, joking laughing sometimes waking up the kid!! I miss that now since he is in Texas at his PCS and I am stuck here waiting for the house to sell.. He's heading to Iraq in August ( sigh)
well, there is this video that Benny Lava did post.





it has helped me tremendously.





i just can't tell yet if it is pushing my husband further away, or if he is trying to get closer to me so i will show it to him.
Think of it as meeting and getting to know someone new. Think of it as a job interview. Put your best foot forward and be as fair and positive as you can be.





Also - I agree with Ace.
You have to find something in common that you both like and start with that. Take away the tv, game stations and computer and start talking.
You can try talking about things the other person likes to talk about to start the building process.
I vote for a frank talk about how you are not digging the new situation. You guys just moved, right? It's time for a fresh start, and that doesn't mean separately.
Ditch the television, ditch the computer, and set aside evenings where the two of you just chill together.
Perseverance. Keep it new.
Keep drawing out the others' feeling and opinions.
i guess just sit next to him and start takling about something thats gonna make he laugh... and then try asking im questions and he'll respond and like that
I tell the wife to be quiet and listen.
You just talk, talk, talk, and eventually they have to listen or go crazy! lol
I smack him and say ';Hey!! Listen to me!!';








No, not really. We do pretty good at the communication thing.
You should cook more, then give him head

How to reconnect in a marriage?

My husband, I will be celebrating our 3 year anni on Sunday the 19th. So 3 years is not a long time to be married I don’t think. We have 2 children under age 5 %26amp; found out we're expecting our 3rd last week. My question is, how do you become friends with your spouse again when you seem like room mates? My husband %26amp; I hardly ever fight, we just do the daily routine, are hardly ever intimate, but neither of us complain about it. But it bothers me and I know it bothers him. We are both so exhausted after the kids go to bed he watches TV and I check my mail then we're done for the night. Is this the life with young kids? Is this normal? I think it is, but want to hear what others think.





Thanks a lot.How to reconnect in a marriage?
Hey! I completely understand. My husband and I will be married for 7 yrs. This Feb. We have three small kids. So, let's see, by the time our third anniversary rolled around, we had a 4 yr. old, a 2 yr. old, and one on the way. It definitly gets hectic, and you can easily loose sight that you are more than just roomates and caregivers. I have one word, BABYSITTER!!!! It is hard to reconnect with screaming kids running around taking their diapers off and fighting with eachother. You love your kids, but you have to take time out to love eachother too. You'd be surprised how one night together or even better, one weekend alone with no kids can make you feel. One weekend can get me and my husband through 6months of no babysitter! And Im not talking sex all weekend either. Just simple things. I told my husband next time his mom takes the kids for the weekend I want an all day long date! And of course he was just thrilled by the sound of it :)LOL! But he'll make it happen! I told him I wanted to wake up early go out for breakfast and just do stuff around town like it’s the first time we've ever stepped foot here. End with dinner and if we are not too tired, get together will old friends we havent seen much, (we met from some friends so reconnecting with them brings back special memories for us). Girl, its time for that weekend real soon, sigh, gotta go, 2yr. Just beat up the 7 yr. old. Good luck!How to reconnect in a marriage?
go out of town together on a romantic weekend trip. While you two are in the house slip out side and go ring the doorbell wearing nothing but a trench coat. You two will blush at first but his chest will stick out with pride.Go dancing and excuse yourself to

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People married with kids that are still newlyweds will tell you this. People who are more experienced wont. You have to make time for just you and your man. Once a month you two have got to have the house to yourselves. This will give the grandparents more bonding time, and you and the husband reconnecting time. It does not always involve having sex,its just that time to be around each other without the routine. It will ensure a stronger bond and relationship. Plus each month you two will look forward to your alone time.
You are both physically and emotionally detached because of his job. You both have built defense mechanisms towards each other so when he leaves he isn't hurt and you aren't hurt.





Kids can be a lotto handle especially when you have 2 and another on the way but what you need to do is get the grandparents to take the kids for the weekend and you both need to connect emotionally. The love is there, but it's just blurred by all the rigors of daily life and is clouded by other emotions other than love itself.


You both just need to be one with each other, right now even when your with him you both seperated in a sense.





Hope this helps, if you need anymore help, just amil me, always here to help.





Tony Cupcakes



take time for the 2 of you alone. Not with your kids. And instead checking the mail and watching tv, it would be better that you talk together before going to bed, or have a small chit-chat in the bed before going to sleep. Or, ask each others feelings.
Maybe you should have stopped after one child. I think people should think before they act. You have to work at what you want. Do something about it. Kiss, hug, talk, talk, talk. That is how you stay connected.
It sounds as if you guys settled into the hum drum of life routine. He got busy, you got busy and you both got as comfortable as old shoes. When you got married, there was no responsibilities, kids and the love was there. It's still there, so think of things you used to do. Look at yourself financially, find time to date one another. Take the kids with you at times. There are plays, (theaters) out there that you can even take the kids with you and have a good laugh. We forget to laugh and have a good time way to much in our daily lives. I bet you can use your imagination and get you guys going again. Good Luck....


I just saw that you are army folks and I know nothing about how the army operates....but still...good luck
This is not the life your suppose to be living w/your spouse. I just went through this w/my husband of 14 yrs (4 children) and it went on for a couple of yrs before I finally told him I couldn't live like that forever and we had to do something or eventually it would take it's toll on us both and one would end it. That reality hit us both hard so now we are trying very hard to MAKE TIME for each other. You read all kinds of articles on this but honestly you don't think you can do it until you realize your spouse could actually get tired of being w/you and leave you and even though you love your family you both need stimulation so you have to find a way to do it. Sit and talk after the kids go to bed or just quietly watch tv while cuddling. It's hard at first because your so used to not being w/each other but you'd be surprised at how fast you both will come around and re-connect. Good Luck
Yes it's normal for people to get into routines, that's part of married life. But that doesn't mean that you forget about each other. Now that you and your husband notice that you've gotten into such a routine you can do something about it. Since you have small children, your limited to what you can do. For starters, change your routine a bit. Instead of coming home and checking your email or watching TV, have some time to catch up and see how your day was. When you get home from work, kiss and hug each other. Bring the sparks back into the relationship. After putting the kids to bed, sit and talk. This may be weird at first but it'll really build back that friendship and fondness toward another. Even if you start with only 30 mins together. That's not too much time and you two can still relax and enjoy the things you like. Also, try and find a sitter. You two need date nights. You have to have alone time. Check with people you work with and see if they have children who babysit or find a home day care provider that baby sits. You really need that alone time even if it's only once a month.















Hi. Yes you're right that we all go through lulls like this. Its very normal. Young kids are exhausting and you find your own ways to wind down!! But it does ebb and flow and go through phases. Being aware of it is great, but you don’t necessarily need a huge turnaround. What we decided to do in our family is to have a 'no electricity day' once a week. It might sound silly to some people but for us it’s a good easy way to ensure connection cos its so easy to end up with everyone staring at their separate screens - tv/ pc/ playstation! Its simple for the kids to understand and easy to stick to! It means I'm more likely to do extra fun things to amuse the kids, I cant get side tracked with washing/ ironing etc. In the evening we have candlelight and still no tv or pc. Its funny at first but it really works! Another major improvement was when we started to put the kids to bed before 8 ish so we have the whole evening to ourselves. Sometimes I even schedule naps or at least conserve my energy by doing less exhausting activities in the day, so that I'm not too tired in the evenings! Also, I realised I was even bored with myself so I reinvented my look by buying some new clothes in a fresh style and also some sexy new underwear! So I felt fresh, new and flirtatious again which helped us connect romantically! Congratulations on your baby and anniversary and I'm sure you'll find a way!
The trust you have in eachother is the key to being friends... Build from it. And encourage his opinions on fun things to do and most of all - start a babysitter fund or demand the grand parents give you date night at least once a month but as often as you can squeeze out of them. You MUST let your husband associate the now you with the pre-child you when you were able to go out and have fun together. If he has hinted at or spoken about how the two of you used to... That is like a jet airliner for an alarm clock - wake up!





YOU are the one who has become the chief decision maker because of the new children in the last few years. Either by choice or humiliation, his opinions have taken a back seat or magically co-incide with yours, I would guess? You need to take charge of getting babysitter and tell him what nights you will be free so he can take charge of planning what the TWO of you will do.
Jump his bones.





Smile at him.





Tell him he's sexy.





Make time for him, and don't ever think of him as a roommate.

Husbands & wives, how important is time away from your kids to you so you can have time alone?

It may be for a few hours, or over night or a couple nights, having someone watch the kids for you, like a babysitter for a few hours, or family that can watch the kids overnight.





I know for my wife and I it's very important to have time alone. Because with the stresses of family %26amp; work, we need that time together to reconnect with each other, and just have time alone with each other.





Do you think it's important to you to have that time alone with your spouse? Even if it's just for a few hours?Husbands %26amp; wives, how important is time away from your kids to you so you can have time alone?
I think it is very important to have time alone with your spouse, and I know it has what has kept my marriage strong for almost 12 years now. Unfortunately this doesn't always happen, not only for us but others that we know as well. We do try to do it when we can though. We enjoy having family time, but I do see the necessity of having just ';us'; time as well. Isn't always overnight, but at least for a few hours just to have time away and focus on us for a little while. In response to what someone else said, yes children are a gift from GOD and I am not saying they are not, nor is it easy for me to leave home even for a couple hours but I do need my outlet to destress from work and daily things so I don't take them out on people who had nothing to do with the situation. I personally enjoy just walking around with my husband for a few hours so we can re-connect and talk just us, no one else. Maybe that way works for you, but you need to realize that your way doesn't work for everyone, and each persons situations are different!Husbands %26amp; wives, how important is time away from your kids to you so you can have time alone?
yes, we recently started bringing him to a babysitter, so that we may have time alone, our work schedules clash so our son is always with us, but we decided to let go the guilt and have some time to ourselves, cause we didnt even realize how much we missed being together until he was brought to our family to babysit, now we're both less stressed and connected to eachother
I agree, everyone should have time out, even the kids. When I was married for 20 years we never went out until the kids were old enough to look after themselves. It didn't really bother me as I never loved him and now meeting someone else we have decided to have a date night every fortnight as we are trying for a family ourselves.


Good on you on how the two of you are still so much in love.
I think it is important but not necessary for a relationship to be strong...I moved away from all my babysitters and family and we haven't had one day away from our kids for a almost 2 years. It sucks b/c we really like playing pool and hanging out together but until we trust someone here we can't let our kids go with anyone. Our relationship probably has gotten stronger since we are in this together..we still have after the kids are asleep for just him and me.
You bet man,nothing like spending some quality time with your loved one and away from all the distraction.Enjoy man.
Of course, crucial. When you don't do those things and the kids finally move out to college you are left with this stranger you call a spouse, you become so distant you don't even know the person anymore and that's when problems arise.





And when my husband and I do get to go out to dinner/party (about once a month on average) by ourselves we don't argue once because it is a stress free fun atmosphere.
Bryan, you are very correct in getting time with your spouse. It gives you guys some time to know each others feelings without any interruptions from the kids. It also keep the flame burning between you two and will make your relationship stronger. A lot of family don't put their marriages to the top of the priority list. When it doesn't work they are now wondering why it didn't.
Make a sound proof bouncy room for your children so they can run around and wreck havoc without you or your wife to have to worry about it. You know even though my children have room full of toys and all the stuff they would want to play with they would rather spend time with me reading a story or spending time with them. I would like to run away and hide sometimes, but they love me too much and are so clingy I like my space too and quiet is a rarity. One day my husband and I too a day off from the kids and had someone else watch them, but we had no idea what to do with ourselves, because it was so quiet. It was a really odd feeling that we were actually happy to see the kids again.
It is essential for a healthy relationship! Time for just the two of you lets you nurture your loving relationship and recharge, which benefits the whole family.
It is VERY important for a healthy relationship.





In the 7+ years my GF/F have been together, we've gone on a total of two weekend trips by ourselves. Both tjimes, at least for me, was like recharging batteries that were sorely drained.
extremely important.....that is how you keep your romance alive and new
We take our kids to a parents night out event where our daycare stays open from 6 to 10 and have fun things to do for the kids and we head home and have sex all over the house.
Wow i shouldn't answer this questions cuz i am only 13 years old but i think its really important so that love between them is gunna stay and its time they both can talk about their feelings or maybe they need that time to do anything they are interested in.
Absolutely, I think it is very important to have time alone with my husband! For all the reasons you specified.





Additionally, I believe that it is important for our daughters to SEE us taking that time to spend with one another. It displays to them this importance of keeping a marriage healthy, which sets an example for them in their own future marriages. Kids watch how their parents treat one another and they model their own relationships after the relationship that their parents display. When we show our children that our Time Alone Together is healthy for the whole family, they understand that by putting ourselves and our marriage ';first'; we are actually putting THEM first!





:-) Great discussion fodder - you get a star!
i have been married for 19years and four kids, all this while i have been so busy trying to bring up the kids that i almost forgot that i have an obligation to give my husband some attention.


but now that they are all gone to boarding school, the time i spent alone with my husband have made us to rediscover ourselves.


so it is very important that couples spent reasonable time together. this gives room for good communication and understanding.
Of course it is important. My wife and I are newly weds and have a son, but we dont get as much time alone as we would like.





Good thing grandma lives down the street and we can drop him off whenever we want =)
i hear you bro!!! what we ended up doing is joining a really cool game called ';Vampire The Requiem'; its two nights a month so we get a babysitter for the whole weekend. two nights, we mingle with our friends and spend alittle time together while we are doing that and sunday is all ours lol. you have to find some time together, and some kind of release from the work week. thats why we joined a role playing game. once you start playing, everything that has happened through out the week is now in the back of your mind and you can now concentrate on the things that matter.
Mom and Dad need time for them too!!! When you get time away from the kids you feel so much more refreshed, when dealing with problems or issues that come up and we all know they come up especially with kids. I think every couple with kids needs couple time.
Yes, it is very important. Unfortunately, it does not happen enough and I think that is when the stress of life catches up to you and couples move on without each other. Couples need to make the time, like you said, even if only for a couple hours!
Yes if i don't get it, I am a mess. I crave our moments alone. and it is the root if our marriage.
my parents always kicked us out of the house
With 4 kids, very very very. We're better parents, better friends, better lovers when we get some time alone.
Whats time alone?


We have been married nearly 2 years, and I have two children from a previous marriage, and we have only ever had one night off in that whole time.


Yep our wedding night.
I knew a couple who went out alone once a month to be together. I thought it was a perfect balance-they were very family oriented, but still took time alone. I knew another couple who did it every spare moment they had (each weekend) and I thought it was over the top-kids need their parent's attention too. My husband and I do not have children, but when we go out with family and friends too often (when they are around every spare moment of our lives) we make it a point to go out alone and have an evening together. Hope this helped =)
Of course it's important!


Time away from your kids hs nothing to do with being a great parent. It's about being a Human couple.


You need that time to re-establish bonds formed before the kids. If your entire Marriage is just about the kids, I feel bad for you.


There has to be some romance and passion or else it's doomed!
Absolutely!! 100% I think Husbands and Wives need their time alone. It is a necessity for the relationship to grow stronger. If you don't take the time to make the relationship stronger, it will die out. Plus when the kids are up and grown and out of the house, who do you have left!! Your spouse if you made that relationship with them.
i wish that we could have time alone but my husband dosen't feel the same to him he rather spend all his free time with the kids.
Very important. We get a lot of alone time during the week because he works nights, %26amp; is home all day while the kids are in school. But on weekends, if they decide to hang around the house (they're teenagers) we've been known to hide in the bedroom to watch a little tv together and just chat and cuddle a bit.





In the summer time we let them sleep at friends houses a lot, and they rarely spend a night home without friends. Their friends parents need privacy too, hehe.
What in the name of GOD?





You do remember HIM, right?





YOU wanted these babes, now you ';want time alone with wife and away from those precious angels?';





HUH? How, in the old days did parents handle all of their children? My gran had 12! 6 boys and 6 girls!


She would NEVER leave them! Placing the littlest ones in a laundry basket as she took out the laundry to hang.





I do not understand, if hubby and I want alone time we put our babes to bed and then shut the door to our room..make popcorn and watch a movie!





Babysitters are unreliable...and relatives are EVEN worse..


Mine neglected my son...and then expects me to let them take care of him (now 10) and his baby sister... NO F*****G WAY!





Take care of the wonderful gift GOD gave you! Before you know it....they are gone!





Blessings
Absolutely. It's essential.

triumph

curly hair