Marriage: Can you reconnect with your spouse?

Scenario: We've been married almost 4 years. For the past year he's been saying something isn't right between us and every other month we have the separating/divorce talk and it ends with us still trying to work it out.





Yesterday he tells me that he realized that we don't have the old connection we used to. I believe he doesn't connect with me but I'm still madly in love with him as always. He's amazing in my eyes and I'm always supporting him and complimenting him and trying to be that good wife. Oh, and he has no physical attraction to me which was hard to hear.





I guess my question is if you lose that connection with your spouse, how can you get it back? If he doesn't look at me or think of me as being the love of his life then I don't think he's ever going to again. There's nothing I can do to change how he feels, right?Marriage: Can you reconnect with your spouse?
First of all, stop talking about divorce/ seperation - make that off limits at all times - it just plants seeds that it's an option. When it's no longer an option, then you are both FORCED (for lack of a better word) to change what's not working.





Second, talk about how things USED to be when he was connecting with you and see if there's been a change. What did he feel when you were connecting. If you can't get to the bottom of that together, you might enlist the help of a professional or clergyman - depending on your feelings about that.





Third, plan some quality time free from talk of anything but the two of you and your future- no talk of kids, work, the house, the chorse, money, or anything that might cause friction - I'm not saying you never talk of these things, just not now - does he want to travel? do you? what makes him happy? what makes you happy? etc. you get the idea.





Make your relationship a priority and ask for the same commitment and make sure that if you are doing something together and you feel the connection that you tell him and vice versa.





The KEY to connecting again is OPEN COMMUNICATION.





Good look!Marriage: Can you reconnect with your spouse?
YOU cannot change how he feels, only he can. Sounds like he wants to be cut loose, but he's just scared of acutally following through with it.


My suggestion - separate for awhile. If he realizes what he had and what he's about to lose ( meaning you ) - maybe he'll wise up and come back. If not, cut your losses and move on.


You do not want to be in a relationship where you are not wanted.


Good luck!
How sad it is that you want your husband, yet he doesn't want you. He could be having an affair without your knowledge, or he just doesn't want to remain married, period. Either way, his views are not going to change no matter what you do, and please do not think it is all you and become depressed. It is so easy for couples to say to one another I am tried of being married to you, good bye. I would not take responsibility for his feelings, just move on and find someone worthy of your love. Best to you my dear.
pick yourself up and do something about it. you said he has no physical attraction to you anymore. go to the gym, dedicate yourself to looking good and try a new perfume, eat right, i don't know what you look like, but i can tell you if you are over weight, or not talinking care of yourself like you should, then change for the better. not just for him, for you, bc even if it doesn't work out, get that divorce and find someone that make you feel good about yourself. there are plenty men out there that would love you
I felt that way about my first husband I didnt feel the love anymore and he still loved me more than anything in the world. But my secret was guilt for cheating on him and didnt have the guts to tell him until I resorted to hating him, but I really hated myself. It ate at me so much I couldnt look him in the eyes anymore and finally divorced him,, because of my own mistake. I couldnt have sex with him with out thinking of what I had done
this is not engraved in stone but i get the feeling his interests have gone somewhere else.if you have children its worth a fight,if not and you cant get him to talk about it also be honest about what hes feeling then hurry and get out before a bad marriage becomes a long bad marriage.now that is the simple answer,if you need the long version than email me
Take a week or weekend vacation together. Do something you both enjoy and will have fun with, maybe something you two used to do together in the beginning, or a vacation you had taken early in your relationship that has good memories. Remind him why he fell in love with you in the first place.


Is he open to counseling? Maybe you could better figure out what's ';missing'; with some mediation. Maybe if he doesn't want to go, you still can to figure things out for yourself. You can change how he feels. Besides, feelings are just feelings. Hopefully he didn't marry you based on a feeling, but on a choice for a lifelong commitment. Feelings are fleeting.





Just don't roll over and give up like there's nothing you can do.
Oh boy - this is hard one.


You might try counseling.


I'm not an advocate for divorce but it really seems like he wants to be set free.


Maybe you should separate and see how you both feel about it. You know the old saying ';Set him free, if he comes back, you know it's meant to be';...
Are you still in love with you? Do you treat yourself in ways that you did before you were married? Sometimes the disconnect is in the way that we feel about ourselves and has nothing to do with our spouse. Perhaps this is a sign to reconnect with yourself and then you will be able to reconnect with your spouse.
If you have a solid base, you can work with that ;-)