Monday, August 9, 2010

How do you overcome your spouse resenting you over moving away from her family?

I've been unemployed for almost five months. Financially, we've done okay since I closed my business, but things have been tight. I received a job offer in another state doing exactly what I want to do. My wife was initially on board with the move, but as a few days have passed she has completely changed her mind. I already accepted the job and am very excited about it. Now she is giving me the ';silent treatment'; and is very angry with me because we're moving away from her family. A bit of background: I have made the decision to be employed near her family two other times and have been extremely unhappy both times. In fact, her family tried to financially ruin my business and have it closed at one point. I've forgiven them to an extent, but I don't want to make decisions based on ';them'; anymore. Now it seems like she's going to hate me for it because she has reconnected with her mom after months of not speaking. What the heck do I do?How do you overcome your spouse resenting you over moving away from her family?
Wow, that sounds like a really tough situation to be in. First off, your wife doesn't sound like she is being very supportive. She needs to be with you through good times and bad, plus its a little immature to give you the silent treatment.





Try talking to her. Before you do that, look at it from her perspective. Why does she want to stay by her family? After you have done this, talk to her. Tell her that you can see where she is coming from, but encourage her to look at it from your perspective. The last jobs that you have had were based on her family, but there comes a time when you need to make decisions based on your family's good. Tell her that you don't want to move away because of what her family did to your business, and make sure she knows that you have completely forgiven them, even though it is hard to do. Finally, bring her back to your wedding day. Remember when you promised each other that you would be together for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part? Tell her that together, you will stick to that promise, and go into this new stage of your marrige together, with flying colors.





Good luck with talking to her. I'll be praying for your family.How do you overcome your spouse resenting you over moving away from her family?
I'm glad you two talked! I just prayed for you. Good luck with your new job and house.

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Take care of yourself financially. Honestly, her family sounds as toxic as the day is long, and it will probably enhance your relationship in the long run to get out of their reach. She will probably get over it; don't make a big fuss over it. Be pleasant and pretend like you don't notice she's not talking to you. If you stay cheerful, it will take away her power.
Make sure she has help. Most adults that want to live near their families of origin do so because they need assistance with childcare and such. If you're not living close enough for her to get family help you're going to have to make sure there's money to pay for babysitting. My spouse tolerates living near my family because we can't afford a nanny right now. Such is the price you pay.
Just go on with it. Let her pout, but you are her family now and are doing this for the family and HAVE to do it. Its not like you are moving just for the hell of it.
Your wife needs to learn that marriage is a compromise. One person doesn't get everything they want. If she's not working and contributing to both your finances, she has no right to be complaining about moving away. Both of your financial stability is more important her closeness to her family. Is her family going to pay the bills for you? Try explaining this to her. I know its hard to move out of the state, but if you have to and thats the way it has to be, she shouldn't fuss about it.

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