How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?

My husband and I have been married for only 9 months and earlier on in our marriage he made some foolish mistakes which in turn made me feel like I cannot trust him. He lied to me about going to see a female who claimed she got pregnant by him (the jury is still out on whether or not it's his) when he went down there. And in the early months of our marriage, he continued conversations with a certain female online who lived in the same city as we do (who consequently he met on the plane ride back from his weekend with the other girl who says she was pregnant). They talked about seeing each other and he went so far as to refer to me as his girlfriend and was saying that he didn't think things would work out between us. I looked at then times the emails were sent and it was while I was asleep in our bed pregnant with our child; at 4 something in the morning, he thought of this chick to email her. After that was handled, there was another situation when we were in the bedroom and his cell phone rang. He looked at it for a while and said he didn't know who it was I asked him if it was a blocked number and he said yes. Later that night I looked in his call log and saw that the call was actually from some female that was saved in his phone book. He claimed they were friends, but because he lied to me and couldn't answer the phone and talk to her with me sitting there, I figured there was more to it. I later found out that they dated in the past. I told him that I didn't want him talking to her anymore which he didn't respect my wishes at first. He continued talking to her and she continued to say inappropriate things about how she misses him so much and she wonders what her life would be like if they had never split up. I saw these messages and told him to end it now, which he did (but the hard headed girl still tries to contact him). And recently, he reconnected with another girl who was only a cut buddy (booty call). I saw no reason fo him to be talking to her now that he's married and why try to be friends NOW? I tried to go in his email and see just what it was that they had to talk about but he had already deleted them and for some reason he couldn't recover them (he was able to recover my email from moths ago but mysteriously he couldn't recover his). My trust for him is at rock bottom when it comes to him and females. I check his phone and emails regularly which he gets mad at me for but given what has happened I feel is justified because I know he's not going to just come out and tell me if he's talking to anyone else. And in all but one of those cases the females found out he was married when I told them. He hasn't done anything physically with them, but I feel that what he has done was just as bad. So, I would just like to know how long will it take for me to trust him again. And this is just another question to put out there for married men and women: are you okay with your spouse contacting their ex while you are married? I say while you're married as in they didn't talk to them as friends before you got married but they talk to them now that you're married. Please help, I love my husband dearly and I want our marriage to work. Despite what this may make him look like he is a good man. These things happened early in our marriage and he has admitted to his wrongdoing and moved past it.How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?
I'm sorry but this guy has lied about some huge issues and he's done it so frequently I think he's shown his true colors. Personally I wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him.How long should it take for me to trust my husband again?
Wow is that a long question. didn't really have time to read any of it, but I wish you luck and hope you find this to be the best answer.





Thanks
yea there will never be trust again.
TRUST is the only thing in our lives which once it is lost can NEVER be recovered . All that you can do is forgive him and go forward trust will never return ...you will have to live with his ability to lie to you and find a way to live with it knowing he can still do it again . If your love is unconditional enough you should make out just fine . . . best wishes
Ok, so all this has happened within the 9 months you two have been married? do I have this right? Trying to keep this all straight, his booty call is mysteriously trying to get back with him - he took a plane to meet and screw a chick, picked up a girl on the way back home to you - and emails chicks when you are sleeping? Yeah, if I were in your shoes, I would go straight to get an annulment. If you REALLY wanna make it work, I would say hey - let's get counseling. If he is not willing to do that at least - then he really doesn't want it to work. Even if he does do the counseling, he has to keep up with it and really try to make it work too.





Honestly, I don't see why some people find it so hard to be faithful. Either you are with someone or you aren't. Either you want to be there and be with them or you don't. I know that one of my old cell phone carriers would offer detailed billing (at a charge, of course) but you could see every phone call in, and every phone call out. There is also a program for the phone called Loopt (I'm not sure if it's on all carriers, but I know they have it for sprint for sure) in which the GPS locator on the phone can pinpoint your location, can be seen from other cell phones on your 'friend's list' or what not. I think that runs in the background of the phone, I've never used it - but I think they might know it's running. Still, if he agrees to let it run - you can at least tell where h=his PHONE is (to see if he is home, then again - you wouldn't know who is there with him?)





IMHO though, I think you deserve better than that. If he is willing to make it work, I'd make him change his phone number, get detailed billing sent straight to you, get one of the programs that track calls/texts, and make him walk the line. If he is not willing to walk it (he knows he messed up and if he can't talk honestly about this with you like an adult, is there more he is hiding? such talks should and can be TALKED about in a non-argumentative form if both parties are acting like adults.) then tell him to see you in court for the divorce and let him know your lawyer will contact him about his visitation rights.





There is no time limit on when you should be able to trust him again. When was the last incident, how long ago? I know that trust is something people should not give out so readily, but should be earned. Once that trust is tainted, it takes a long time to recover it. Don't trust him before YOU are ready, and honestly feel like you can trust him. You may never feel that way again - but that is NOT your fault. YOU did not do it. There are good reasons to NOT trust someone after they cheat too - you never know when the next time they will cheat will be, or what disease they will bring home to you. Simply sleeping with them (whether or not they use protection) you could be not just sleeping with them, but any other AIDS or Herpes infected person they cheated on you with. Such diseases take time to show up, but can be passed on without knowing.





And no - I have never had any STD or disease, thank God, however it could have happened and would have only taken ONE time.
you married a dog, sorry but players never really change, how can they, they have conditioned themselves to be that way, its reaches a point where there is no going back, that is just what he is at his core, a liar and a cheat
block of text makes my eyes hurt. Paragraphs, woman! Indentation! What did they teach you in elementary school!?





Oh, right, man problem. Ok, here's the deal; you can't control what your husband thinks. You can try, but society has words for women like that. And you trying to control who he socializes with makes you the bad guy. Exes pose a problem, but when you raise a fuss, you show there's a serious trust problem. There obviously is a trust problem here (duh).





You want to make your marriage work? Your sure that your husband turned over a new leaf? And you don't trust him as far as you can throw him? Especially with women? Oh my. You may never.
I'm sorry , but I think the fact you had to ask us says it all.


I don't think you can or will ever really trust him.
9 months and this is already happening? You will never fully trust him again. If he cannot respect you enough to cease this deception when you ask, then he never will stop. You're allowing this to happen.





If my fiance pulled this ... I'd be single.
';early in your marriage';?





You've only been married 9 MONTHS!
forgive him now and move on. bad things happen to all of us. deal with it your married now.


his problems are your show him you love is unconditional.
Wow! Thats terrible. This is supposed to be the best time in your marriage. What was he like before you got married?


If it were me personally, I would cut my losses and get out. It sounds like he has nothing to offer you but a lifetime of hurt and pain
He's dug his grave as far as you trusting him. If he's not telling these females that he's married, then he's encouraging them. Sorry, but I'd leave that situation.
You still are early in your marriage. You're newlyweds. Newlyweds shouldn't have this many issues so early on. Sorry, but I think you married a dog. You'll never be able to trust him b/c every time you come close, he pulls something else. It doesn't matter if anything physical happened or not--he still cheated on you emotionally and YES that is just as bad. He obviously has no respect for his wife and child. This will only get worse as your marriage goes on. You don't need the stress, disrespect, or humiliation. Divorce him and find someone who truly loves and respects you and your baby. You'd be surprised at how many real men are willing to step up to the plate. Go find one.
wow... a complicated situation.. and for you to trust him again.. might take some time....





answer mine please ?





http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
When you feel like you can might not ever happen
My marriage was plagued with past problems, on both of our parts, amd no matter how hard we try it is human nature to always have doubt. I had a friend that passed along some great advice and it may sound weird but once I investigated I was able to deal with staying married to my best friend and ease my mind. The advice came from another married woman so look into to it before discounting it. It goes like this:


SWEET MILDRED IS QUEEN OF THE PLAYPEN ...CRAWL INTO HER SECRET SOCIETY WITH ME
U WILL NEVER REALLY TRUST HIM
I don't think you can ever trust your husband again. Think about it. How many times before have you trusted him and he let you down. I don't think he is through going behind your back and seeing other women. Do you actually believe that he is going to stop just like that. He seems to have some kind of an addiction to other women, and he needs serious help. I hope that you and your husband can repair things, but if it were me, I would have to call it quits. You teach other people how to treat you , and it is obvious that he does these things because he knows that you love him and that you will always forgive him.
WOW!!!!! i'm soooooo sorry!!! looks like u had it baaaaaaaad!!! well if u really want my opinion don't trust him till he can prove he won't do it anymore, he doesn't seem very faithful, so it might be best if u guys got a divorce :\ but if he is really improving himself, it might be best to give him another chance
wow. sound EXACTLY like the first of my marriage. it is really hard to trust them again. i have been married for almost 4 years now... and it took two years for me just to let it go...and not think about it everyday. i still check his email periodically and look at his phone. im not angry with him anymore, and my trust is coming back slowly....you just have to give it TONS of time and effort. but if you love him...i would stick around and try to fix it.
wow, your husband might be a good guy, but he isn't the best at relationships. i CAN NOT believe that he told some random girl that he met on a plane that you were just his girlfriend and that it wasn't gonna work out between you two! i'm not married, but even i can see that that is a NO NO. you guys have to communicate and work things out because he needs to know that you are his wife now- those other girls are what he gave up in order to live his life with the love of his life! See how he act now, you shouldn't really set a time limit on how long it takes for you to trust him but wait for like half a year and see his behavior. Trust is something is slowly built up, and if it lost, the starting point of that trust is much lower. Just try to build it up again while keeping an eye on him and communicating. Remember, while someone may be a good guy, he might not be the best husband or communicator!
Your marriage is done!!! he has done some things that I don't think you will ever get over.
It doesn't look to me like you can trust him. If you need to spy on your husband and invade his privacy, it's not a sign of a healthy relationship. Just get divorce. If it doesn't work, why force it?
Trust is a special gift given between two people, married couples, dating couples, friends, family members.


It is a gift freely given and it is a special gift.


Your Husband threw that gift that you gave him away. When he started being friendly with the ladies. Maybe he has cut off contact with these women and maybe he hasn't. But he lost your trust and once trust is lost it is a VERY difficult thing to get back. He hurt you he cause wounds in you. You need time to heal.


You have every right to check up on him. I think you can let him know. That if he has nothing to hide then it shouldn't matter.


I also think you both should go to counceling you are newly married and now you don't have something that every mariage needs and that is TRUST. In order for your marriage to survive you need that. Go get help. I believe you both can make it through this.


But he took something from you, he destroyed your trust and now he needs to work to get it back.





Good Luck Hun
Rebuilding trust that has been shaken takes a lot of hard work and time. It requires couple and individual counseling. The amount of time and work required really depends on the people involved and the situation. If your husband is really committed to making this work, and so are you, this can be overcome. I would only be okay with my spouse contacting an ex if it had something to do with loose ends with their divorce (for instance, a car title or a mortgage loan). Get yourself and your husband into therapy right away and start the healing process. Hugs.
My opinion is that your husband is not a trust worthy person, it would not surprise me if he has had intercourse while you were married. Just because he says he didn't doesn't me he didn't. I don't think you will trust him for some time. Even in relationship before marriage it is wrong for your partner to hang out with ex-girlfriends and talk to them.





Your husband sounds like a player with all his girlfriends, you should tell him if he doesn't want to clean his act up, then you need to spend time away from him. Then maybe he will stop playing around. His actions put you at risk.
It takes aslong as it takes, maybe forever.








I don't see any reason for you to trust him again- because i don't see that he is doing anything to earn your trust, since he has broken it repeatedly.





Honestly, if you hope to maintain your marriage, i think the 2 of you should be going to a marriage counselor this week!
Can you spell DIVORCE? Thats just his nature. It will never change. He'll stop when you bust him. When you trust him again he will play. All along he knows you won't stand up for yourself because you always give in. What would your mother say? your sister say? your best friend?
I agree with JCA......once you've been lied to that many times trust is impossible....you said yourself you cant stop checking his phone, email etc.....even if you did stop checking up on him you're still going to be wondering.......sorry!

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