Thanks a lot.How to reconnect in a marriage?
Hey! I completely understand. My husband and I will be married for 7 yrs. This Feb. We have three small kids. So, let's see, by the time our third anniversary rolled around, we had a 4 yr. old, a 2 yr. old, and one on the way. It definitly gets hectic, and you can easily loose sight that you are more than just roomates and caregivers. I have one word, BABYSITTER!!!! It is hard to reconnect with screaming kids running around taking their diapers off and fighting with eachother. You love your kids, but you have to take time out to love eachother too. You'd be surprised how one night together or even better, one weekend alone with no kids can make you feel. One weekend can get me and my husband through 6months of no babysitter! And Im not talking sex all weekend either. Just simple things. I told my husband next time his mom takes the kids for the weekend I want an all day long date! And of course he was just thrilled by the sound of it :)LOL! But he'll make it happen! I told him I wanted to wake up early go out for breakfast and just do stuff around town like it’s the first time we've ever stepped foot here. End with dinner and if we are not too tired, get together will old friends we havent seen much, (we met from some friends so reconnecting with them brings back special memories for us). Girl, its time for that weekend real soon, sigh, gotta go, 2yr. Just beat up the 7 yr. old. Good luck!How to reconnect in a marriage?
go out of town together on a romantic weekend trip. While you two are in the house slip out side and go ring the doorbell wearing nothing but a trench coat. You two will blush at first but his chest will stick out with pride.Go dancing and excuse yourself to
Report Abuse
People married with kids that are still newlyweds will tell you this. People who are more experienced wont. You have to make time for just you and your man. Once a month you two have got to have the house to yourselves. This will give the grandparents more bonding time, and you and the husband reconnecting time. It does not always involve having sex,its just that time to be around each other without the routine. It will ensure a stronger bond and relationship. Plus each month you two will look forward to your alone time.
You are both physically and emotionally detached because of his job. You both have built defense mechanisms towards each other so when he leaves he isn't hurt and you aren't hurt.
Kids can be a lotto handle especially when you have 2 and another on the way but what you need to do is get the grandparents to take the kids for the weekend and you both need to connect emotionally. The love is there, but it's just blurred by all the rigors of daily life and is clouded by other emotions other than love itself.
You both just need to be one with each other, right now even when your with him you both seperated in a sense.
Hope this helps, if you need anymore help, just amil me, always here to help.
Tony Cupcakes
take time for the 2 of you alone. Not with your kids. And instead checking the mail and watching tv, it would be better that you talk together before going to bed, or have a small chit-chat in the bed before going to sleep. Or, ask each others feelings.
Maybe you should have stopped after one child. I think people should think before they act. You have to work at what you want. Do something about it. Kiss, hug, talk, talk, talk. That is how you stay connected.
It sounds as if you guys settled into the hum drum of life routine. He got busy, you got busy and you both got as comfortable as old shoes. When you got married, there was no responsibilities, kids and the love was there. It's still there, so think of things you used to do. Look at yourself financially, find time to date one another. Take the kids with you at times. There are plays, (theaters) out there that you can even take the kids with you and have a good laugh. We forget to laugh and have a good time way to much in our daily lives. I bet you can use your imagination and get you guys going again. Good Luck....
I just saw that you are army folks and I know nothing about how the army operates....but still...good luck
This is not the life your suppose to be living w/your spouse. I just went through this w/my husband of 14 yrs (4 children) and it went on for a couple of yrs before I finally told him I couldn't live like that forever and we had to do something or eventually it would take it's toll on us both and one would end it. That reality hit us both hard so now we are trying very hard to MAKE TIME for each other. You read all kinds of articles on this but honestly you don't think you can do it until you realize your spouse could actually get tired of being w/you and leave you and even though you love your family you both need stimulation so you have to find a way to do it. Sit and talk after the kids go to bed or just quietly watch tv while cuddling. It's hard at first because your so used to not being w/each other but you'd be surprised at how fast you both will come around and re-connect. Good Luck
Yes it's normal for people to get into routines, that's part of married life. But that doesn't mean that you forget about each other. Now that you and your husband notice that you've gotten into such a routine you can do something about it. Since you have small children, your limited to what you can do. For starters, change your routine a bit. Instead of coming home and checking your email or watching TV, have some time to catch up and see how your day was. When you get home from work, kiss and hug each other. Bring the sparks back into the relationship. After putting the kids to bed, sit and talk. This may be weird at first but it'll really build back that friendship and fondness toward another. Even if you start with only 30 mins together. That's not too much time and you two can still relax and enjoy the things you like. Also, try and find a sitter. You two need date nights. You have to have alone time. Check with people you work with and see if they have children who babysit or find a home day care provider that baby sits. You really need that alone time even if it's only once a month.
Hi. Yes you're right that we all go through lulls like this. Its very normal. Young kids are exhausting and you find your own ways to wind down!! But it does ebb and flow and go through phases. Being aware of it is great, but you don’t necessarily need a huge turnaround. What we decided to do in our family is to have a 'no electricity day' once a week. It might sound silly to some people but for us it’s a good easy way to ensure connection cos its so easy to end up with everyone staring at their separate screens - tv/ pc/ playstation! Its simple for the kids to understand and easy to stick to! It means I'm more likely to do extra fun things to amuse the kids, I cant get side tracked with washing/ ironing etc. In the evening we have candlelight and still no tv or pc. Its funny at first but it really works! Another major improvement was when we started to put the kids to bed before 8 ish so we have the whole evening to ourselves. Sometimes I even schedule naps or at least conserve my energy by doing less exhausting activities in the day, so that I'm not too tired in the evenings! Also, I realised I was even bored with myself so I reinvented my look by buying some new clothes in a fresh style and also some sexy new underwear! So I felt fresh, new and flirtatious again which helped us connect romantically! Congratulations on your baby and anniversary and I'm sure you'll find a way!
The trust you have in eachother is the key to being friends... Build from it. And encourage his opinions on fun things to do and most of all - start a babysitter fund or demand the grand parents give you date night at least once a month but as often as you can squeeze out of them. You MUST let your husband associate the now you with the pre-child you when you were able to go out and have fun together. If he has hinted at or spoken about how the two of you used to... That is like a jet airliner for an alarm clock - wake up!
YOU are the one who has become the chief decision maker because of the new children in the last few years. Either by choice or humiliation, his opinions have taken a back seat or magically co-incide with yours, I would guess? You need to take charge of getting babysitter and tell him what nights you will be free so he can take charge of planning what the TWO of you will do.
Jump his bones.
Smile at him.
Tell him he's sexy.
Make time for him, and don't ever think of him as a roommate.
No comments:
Post a Comment